1 Corinthians 13:4

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant.” 1 Corinthians 13:4

Most people are very familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, because it is the “love chapter.” We may see this passage in picture frames hanging on walls, we may even have this passage memorized, but do we live by it? While 1 Corinthians 13 is a great passage to quote and know, as with all of God’s Word it does us no good unless we actually live by it.

In 1 Corinthians 12-14 the apostle Paul talks about different spiritual gifts, and we need to recognize that chapter 13 was written within this context. While spiritual gifts are useful and important, Paul is letting us know that, above all, love is the root of all those gifts.

Love is patient. Let us remember that God is love, and thus that means that God is patient. I am so thankful that for that fact, but I am also convicted as I remember that I am called to be like Him, and to love like He loves me. Am I patient, or as some versions say, am I long suffering? This is so against my sinful nature.  I looked this word up in the dictionary to better understand what it really means, and my favorite definition was this: “bearing or enduring pain, trouble, etc. without complaining or losing self-control.”  The words “without complaining” really stood out to me. Do I love others enough to put up with hardship and pain, and am I willing to not only put up with this, but to do it without complaining?

Love is kind. Am I kind towards others? I notice how this passage doesn’t say “Love is kind most of the time.” No, it says simply, “Love is kind.” It’s one thing to make yourself be nice to someone for a little bit, but this is not what Paul is talking about. He is saying that love is kind, love is tenderhearted, love is generous, love goes beyond self so that it might bless others. Do I have this kind of heart?

Love does not envy or boast. Again, this is a hard one. Am I willing to love others enough not to envy them, or not to boast to them? I find this interesting that envy and boast are found together here. It’s really easy to envy someone, and I think that when we start to envy others, that is when we start to boast. We become insecure in ourselves and what we have, and so we feel a need to brag to make us feel better about ourselves. I think of Galatians 6:14 – “But far be it from me to boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, by which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.” My contentment should be so rooted in Christ that I don’t feel a need to envy others or boast to them, and, when I am content in Christ’s love for me, I am free to love others as a byproduct of His love for me.

Love is not arrogant. As fallen humans it is our natural tendency to be full of self-importance, and yet love says “You are more important than me.”

As I looked deeper into this verse, I find myself convicted and realize how hard it really is to have this kind of love, and yet it is not impossible. Yes, in our own ability it is impossible to love this selflessly, because human love is selfish, but Christ’s love is selfless and He can empower us to selflessly love. Our love for others is an overflow of His love for us.

Application: Today I will pray that the Lord would give me the grace to love those around me as I have been loved. I will specifically ask Him to remind me to not complain, but to be long suffering in my love for others. 

My Testimony

“Amazing grace how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found, was blind but now I see.”

This is a testimony of God’s amazing grace in the life of a wretched sinner… me. I have been so blessed to grow up in a loving Christian home. I have wonderful parents who love me and show me that love all the time, and I have two wonderful brothers. I gave my life to Christ at an early age, and have grown up going to Calvary Chapel Southeast Portland.

My middle school years were very challenging for me. I am a perfectionist, and while that can be a strength, in my life it has also proven to be a weakness.

It was in my middle school years that I began to doubt my salvation, and because of that, fear was very much a part of my life. Then one night the Lord gave me a verse – Isaiah 41:10 “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.” I began to read that verse over and over and every time I did that, I felt so much peace. The struggle wasn’t necessarily gone, but as I read and trusted God’s promise, I found rest.

My high school years were very blessed, but also very hard. I still struggled with my doubts as well as perfectionism. I began to struggle in my thought life and to become very weighed down with guilt because of it. I felt so ashamed of myself and felt like the Lord could never use me. Then one day I admitted to a friend how much I had been struggling and how guilty and terrible I felt inside about myself. I will never forget how she responded to me. I was totally expecting her to love me less and not want to be friends anymore, and yet instead she showed me so much love. I am so, so thankful for that, because in seeing her love for me, I was better able to see Jesus’ perfect, unconditional love for me. Even though this time in my life was so incredibly hard and painful, looking back I find myself so thankful for it, because the Lord needed to teach me a lesson. I needed to learn that it is not about me, it is about Him. It’s not about what I have done or haven’t done; it’s about what He has already done on the cross. It hurt so much to come face to face with the fact that I am such a wretched sinner, and yet I had to become face to face with that fact in order for me to see how precious and sweet the grace of God really is. There’s a song that really spoke to me during that time, and the chorus goes like this: “Your grace, still amazes me. Your love, is still a mystery. Each day, I fall on my knees, ‘cause Your grace still amazes me.”  I had to recognize that I am such a sinner, and once I did that, Jesus’ grace became so much more amazing and so much sweeter to me.

In the midst of all these struggles, the Lord gave me a heart for missions. As I reflect on it, I believe that the desire to be a missionary and these struggles went hand in hand. If I am to tell others how much they need God’s grace, I myself needed to see how desperate I am for that same grace.  

Today, I sit here at Potter’s Field Missions Training School, so thankful that the Lord chooses to use sinners. I am thankful that His strength is made perfect in our weakness. I still have my struggles, I still have my fears and my doubts, but daily I need to remind myself that His grace is sufficient and His love never fails, even when I do. Daily I need to remind myself of Isaiah 41:10 and trust in His promises, even when it’s hard and I don’t feel like it. Daily I need to come to the feet of Jesus, recognizing how imperfect I am, and yet how perfect His love for me is. I am so thankful that not only does He choose to use weak and broken people, He takes delights in doing so, in order that He might receive all the glory.  

Duty vs. Devotion

I love those moments when I really have a longing to spend time with Jesus. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I usually dislike my time with the Lord, on the contrary, I love spending time in His Word. Too often though, I spend my time with the Lord out of duty and not out of devotion. I wake up in the morning, get my coffee, grab my Bible and notebook, and spend time in prayer and in the Word. Honestly, this has become a routine. It feels weird if I don’t do this every morning when I awake. But, am I just doing this out of duty and not out of love?

Then, I have those moments when I look out the window and I see the sunshine (yes, not too often I know), and I just feel like I want to be out there enjoying it in the presence of the Lord. There are moments when I just really genuinely want to spend more time with Jesus, when I planned to do other things and yet my heart wants to spend it with Him.

The problem is, if I always waited until I felt like spending more time with Him, I probably wouldn’t have a very consistent devotion life. I am a sinner and more times than not I would rather be doing something else. I would rather be cleaning something that probably doesn’t really need to be cleaned (because I am known for doing that), or be on Facebook, or watch some television.  

So, what am I saying? I know that I need to daily wake up, grab my Bible, and spend time with Jesus. There is no way around that. I am not saying I should wait to be in the Word until I feel like it. What I am saying is that I want to daily check my heart. Recently there was a Children’s Ministry Appreciation Night at my church and the speaker talked about the difference of serving the Lord out of duty and devotion. I don’t want to serve the Lord out of duty, but out of devotion. The apostle Paul said that the love of Christ compelled him. I want Jesus’ love to be so on fire in me that I can’t wait to spend time more time with Him. I want to be so in love with Him that I want to spend every moment of every day with Him…because that’s how it is when you love someone. When you love someone you will do everything in your power to make sure that you get time with that person. And when you’re with that person, you don’t want to spend it checking your cell phone, looking at the clock, distracted by other things, because you want to soak up every moment you can with one you love. That’s how I want my time with Jesus to be. I want to be so in love with Him that my heart longs for our times together, that my heart longs to hear His Word sweetly spoken to my heart, that I long to come to Him and pour out my heart before Him.

I believe that when I really begin to ponder how deep Jesus’ love is for me, that’s when I will start spending time with Him out of devotion and not out of duty. I can become so legalistic and start to think of what I need to do, how much I need to read, how long I think I need to pray, that I totally make my time with the Lord about me and not about Him. When I make it about Him, and what He’s already done for me, that’s when I begin to be compelled by His love.

Lord, help me to live each day on fire for you. Please help me to daily remember how much You love me so that in turn I would love You more. Forgive me for making things about me when it’s all about You.

Rest in Jesus

I love Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." Recently I found a song by Jamie Grace based on these verses that I really like. Part of the lyrics go like this - "Had Your arms open and a warmth in Your eyes,You took my hand and You whispered, 'Come to Me, when you're weary and I'll give you hope when you're hurtin, I'll give you rest from your burden.'" This is such a good reminder to me that Jesus longs for me to come to Him and find rest. So often I find myself so weighed down with burdens the Lord never intended for me to carry, and instead of coming to Jesus, I fret and worry and rely on my own understanding of things. Today, as I was spending time with the Lord, I read some verses that remind me that Jesus can give me rest and satisfy me:


"For I satisfy the weary ones and refresh everyone who languishes." Jeremiah 31:25


"Jesus said to them, 'I am the bread of life; he who comes to Me will not hunger, and he who believes in Me will never thirst." John 6:35


"Now on the last day, the great day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried out, saying, 'If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in Me, as the Scripture said, 'From his innermost being will flow rivers of living water.'" John 7:37-38


"but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." John 4:14


"The Spirit and the bride say, 'Come.' And let the one who hears say, 'Come.' And let the one who is thirsty come; let the one who wishes take the water of life without cost." Revelation 22:17


  I love that Jesus says "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink." He is the Living Water, and He is the only One in whom we can find true refreshment and rest. I have been trying to get better about drinking my water every day - water is something I know I really need to drink and yet so often a coffee or a glass of milk sounds so much better. Even though coffee and milk taste really good to me, I know that in order to stay healthy, I really need to be drinking my water daily. Today I thought of how just as my physical body needs water to thrive, so too my spirit needs Jesus (the Living Water) to thrive. Just as I need to be sure to drink my water each day for my physical body, I need to continually come to Jesus each day to find refreshment for my spirit. Every day there are so many distractions that threaten to take my eyes off of Jesus. Oh how I long to always come to Jesus, to not just spend my time with Him so that I can get on with my day, but to really sit at His feet and let Him refresh me and give me the rest that I so desperately need. May we all daily come to Jesus, find rest in Him, lay our worries at His feet, and find refreshment.


"All who are thirsty
All who are weak
Come to the fountain
Dip your heart in the stream of life
Let the pain and sorrow
Be washed away
In the waves of His mercy
As deep cries out to deep..."

Being Dependent on Jesus

"Show me Your glory
Send down Your presence
I wanna see Your face
Show me Your glory
Majesty shines about You
I can't go on without You, Lord"
-Third Day

I remember hearing this song in Belize, and loving it. I think I loved it because it described the cry of my heart so well. I was so desperate for the Lord's presence in my life, to see His glory - and I did. Even in the midst of the trials, even as I cried and felt so alone, the Lord met me right there in the jungle. He is so incredibly faithful!
The line of this song - "I can't go on without You, Lord", described me so perfectly. I was utterly desperate for Him to meet me each new day - I found myself so dependent upon Him. I also found that that is the best way to live.

I'm reminded of the passage in Acts 7 when Stephen was stoned. Acts 7:55 says, "But being full of the Holy Spirit, he gazed intently into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God". Even in the midst of fierce persecution, Stephen was filled with the Holy Spirit and saw the glory of God. Sometimes it is in our hardest moments that we best see Jesus.

I look back on my times in the jungle, and as hard as they were, I wouldn't trade them for anything. Jesus taught me so much there, and I am still learning from those lessons.

I don't want to just look back and say, "I was so dependent on Jesus then". I want to be so dependent on Jesus NOW. I want to wake each new day longing to be in His presence, knowing I can't go on without Him. I want to be desperately dependent on Jesus each and every day. Truly I can't go on without Him.

Thoughts about Missions...

Lately, I have been thinking about missions. I realized that it has been over 6 months since I left for Belize, and it seems so crazy that it was that long ago. I really do miss it. I miss the people there so much. I have been thinking of "my" girls there a lot lately and I sure miss them. I miss our times at camp, I miss our talks, our devotions, and I miss their laughter and joy. I am so thankful for those girls and the blessing they were, and continue to be, to me.

I am so very thankful for the sweet reminders I have of those in Belize, and how the Lord has been once again stirring my heart for missions. Honestly, there was a time, only about a month or so ago, when I seriously doubted whether or not I would ever become a missionary. It was a very hard time in my life, and in my heart I was so afraid. My mind and heart were filled with anxious thoughts and terrifying "what if's", and I thought there was no way on earth that I could ever be a missionary. I remember telling God that I didn't want to be a missionary anymore, that I just couldn't do it. I cried so much during that prayer...that was one of the hardest things I ever prayed. I felt like the desire to be a missionary that had been inside my heart for so long was suddenly gone, and it really hurt. It felt like not only had I lost my heart's desire, but my joy was gone too. Thinking about my past mission trips, and future ones, often helped me during hard times, as I would remember God's faithfulness and His calling upon my life. It was weird and scary to not want to remember any of those things anymore, and to give up the desire that I had held inside my heart for so long.

The story doesn't end there...because God is so faithful. I am so thankful for a God who knows me intimately, who understands me, who loves me, and who is patient with me. I can't really explain how it happened, but slowly, as I began to wait on Him, I began to again long for missions, to long to serve the Lord in that way. With that renewed passion and desire in my heart, comes joy, and I am so incredibly thankful for God's faithful work in my life. I am thankful for those in my life who remind me of the things God has done in my life and has yet to do, and I am thankful that each day the Lord is faithful to remind me Himself.

I would be lying if I said that the fear is gone. I would be lying if I said I have no doubts. But, in a way, I am so thankful that God is taking me through this time. You see, as I said, I have had the desire to be a missionary for awhile now. I have felt pretty certain that that is where the Lord has been leading me, but still sometimes I would wonder "Is this God's desire for me, or is it only my desire?" I desperately want to do what God wants me to do, and so this thought was concerning to me at times. I now know without a doubt that it IS HIS desire and calling on my life.
As I said, I had told God that I no longer wanted to be a missionary, and I felt that I totally had lost that desire, and yet, still I knew in my heart that I was running from what He wants for me. During those days when I seriously doubted and feared, I knew deep down in my heart that God had called me to missions, and that if I turned my back on missions then I would be turning my back on God's calling on my life. I think that it why it hurt so much to contemplate the thought of not being in missions, because not only was it my desire, but it was HIS desire too. I am so thankful that He revealed that to me.

As I said before, I still have my fears, my worries, my concerns, but God has reminded me lately that I don't have to be strong enough, or good enough, or brave enough to be a missionary, because HE is. He has reminded me that when He places a calling upon someone's life, He also gives them the strength to fulfill that calling. He doesn't just leave us on our own and say "Good luck with that". I am so thankful for that.

In church on Sunday we sang the song "Made Me Glad" - that has always been one of my favorites. I love the chorus:

"You are my shield, my strength, my portion,
Deliverer, my shelter, Strong tower
My very present help in time of need"

This song reminded me that He IS my strength and my shield, and that it is actually a good thing that I recognize my weakness and my inability to do it on my own. Living by His strength and His grace is the best way to live.

I am so blessed, and so incredibly thankful to God for His faithfulness in my life, and for the people He has placed in my life to remind me of His faithfulness. As I said at the beginning, I am so thankful for my girls in Belize, and I am even thankful for the aching in my heart to be with them, because it reminds me of the Lord's working in my life. I am thankful that my time in Belize truly was a life changing experience. I am thankful that the Lord has renewed the desire in my heart to be a missionary, and I am thankful for His grace and strength to fulfill that calling He has placed upon my life.






Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Psalm 37:3-4

My Time in Belize...

Well, I have been back from Belize for about 2.5 weeks now. It is so great to be back home with my family, though I am so thankful for the time I had in Belize.

It is sort of hard telling people about Belize...because it feels like so much happened and it is hard knowing where to even begin. I guess I would begin by saying that Proverbs 16:9 is so true - "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" - as well as Romans 8:28 - "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose". Though at the time I don't think I realized it, I went to Belize with plans of how the trip would go and my expectations of what things would be like, though I quickly found that things weren't as I expected. Even in this hard realization, I also found the promise of Romans 8:28 to be so true. There are so many times this summer that I have seen God use hard circumstances and trials for my good.

I was a little nervous about traveling by myself, as I have never traveled on my own and since I am directionally challenged I worried about getting lost and missing my connecting flight. I also knew it would be so hard to say goodbye and didn't know how I would handle it...I figured I would be very emotional. The Lord was so good and gave me such a peace through it all. Though it was hard saying goodbye, it wasn't as difficult as I had thought. It may sound silly, but I figured I could cry after I had left, and not cry in front of everyone. Once I got to my gate I could be sad and work through it. Yet, again, the Lord somehow gave me peace and no tears came. I found my connecting flight okay and even had time to call my parents one last time before boarding the plane for Belize. I was a little bit scared when I reached Belize and had to go through customs and collect my bags by myself, and yet still I felt the peace that surpasses understanding.

That night was a different story. I think it was partly due to the fact that I had been up since 3:15AM and so I was exhausted, but suddenly I realized how far from home I was, and how long I would be in Belize. It was then that I broke down and cried, missing my parents and wondering how in the world I would ever make it the next 2 months. Already it felt like I had been gone forever.

The first week went by incredibly slow, and I think it is partly because I had expected time to go by really fast. See, when I came in years past with the mission team, for the most part time flew by. We would only have a week or 10 days to cram in tons of activities, work, and outreaches, and so we were busy from morning to evening. Now that I was actually living in Belize and doing normal day to day things, time didn't move so quickly. Again, I would often think, "how am I ever going to make it?" I learned early on to take things one day at a time.

Through all of the challenges and fears I faced in Belize, the Lord never once failed me. Mornings were the hardest for me, as that is when I found myself missing home the most, and yet the mornings were also the sweetest as I was able to get away and have quiet time with the Lord. Those times were the best! I simply cannot describe how good the Lord is and how He met me. It wasn't necessarily anything profound or even Him directly speaking to me, but I felt His presence with me, and that gave me the strength I needed. I was reminded of the song lyrics "When we see You we find strength to face the day, and in Your presence all our fears are washed away" and that is so true. To be sure I had my hard times, and yet every time I cried out to the Lord He was there. He is so, so faithful.

One of the things I was most excited about doing in Belize was spending time with the girls that go to Calvary Chapel Cayo. I wanted to build friendships and be able to have devotional times with them. Soon after I got to Belize, Al Wylie and Nate Fanno, some friends from back home, came to do a week long youth camp with the kids from Calvary Chapel Cayo. To be honest, I was a little stressed about this as I was to be one of the leaders for the girls and didn't feel ready at all. Yet this week was one of the highlights of the my trip. I had such a sweet time with the girls and the Lord was so good and we connected very well. By the end of the week I had grown to love them all so much and hated that camp had to be over. I hope the girls were as blessed by the camp as I was! I loved spending time in the Word with them and seeing their hearts for the Lord.

It was also such a blessing being able to get to know the ladies of Calvary Chapel Cayo. I loved our visits and am so blessed to now know more of my sisters in the Lord.

I struggled a lot with fear while I was there. One of my biggest fears was what if something happened to me and I wasn't able to see my family again. I know, "what if's" are very dangerous because in my mind a lot can happen and if I focused on the "what if's" I would find myself fearful and discouraged. I had to once again learn to take every thought captive and trust. All my days are in the hand of Jesus and I had to trust that.

I was so blessed to meet several different teams that came to Belize. I connected with so many on the teams and was so blessed by their friendship and encouragement. It was so cool to meet fellow believers and it really opened my eyes to see that the church is so much more than our own body of believers at home - the church is all around the world. I loved spending time with my new friends, although I hated having to say goodbye. I kept thinking, "Man, I miss everyone back home so much and yet now there are always going to be people I will miss..." and yet I guess that is how life is. I guess it reminds us that this life is not about us, it's about serving the Lord wherever He places us, even if it means missing people. It also makes us more excited for the day in Heaven when we will all be together forever.

While in Belize the Lord used many different songs to bring me encouragement and comfort. One of the songs that brought me comfort was "Sufficient" by Adie Camp:

Hear my heart Lord as I cry out to You
Hear my prayer Lord and carry me through
In Your mercy in the promise You made
Be my strength Lord when my strength fades away

'Cause when I am weak Your strength is complete
It's perfect
Completely all I need
Sufficient for me
Your grace and peace are perfect
Completely all I need
You're all that I need

In my weakness I'm finding Your strength
In my sorrow a gentle embrace
Through the seasons of laughter or pain
You are listening
When I call out Your name

I'll find You when I seek
I'll look for You with all of my heart
And I'll find You when I'm weak

'Cause You are strong

Hear my heart Lord as I cry out to You
Hear my prayer Lord and carry me through
Carry me through

I love that song because it described so perfectly how I felt. I realized that I had often sung those words "You are all that I need" and yet did I really mean it? In Belize I had to learn to depend on the Lord far more than I ever had before, and I had to let Him be enough for me. I had to believe that He is all that I really need. I didn't have my family or friends close by. I couldn't send someone a text or call someone when I was really having a hard time. Well, maybe I could (and I did call home a lot), but not without it costing a lot of money! Let me tell you, there were certainly times I wished I had my family or friends there with me, and yet the Lord wanted me to learn to lean on Him so much more. I was able to meet a really neat couple and spend a couple days with them. Allison, the wife, and I were talking and she shared with me a quote that I really liked. I can't remember it exactly, but it was something like "When trouble comes, do you go to the phone or to the throne?" I love that! It is also very convicting to me. I believe one of the reasons the Lord brought me to Belize was to teach me to run to Him and not to people. I definitely have not mastered this lesson. I am a work in progress :-)

There is so much more I could write about - there are so many more things I could say that would show how amazing and faithful the Lord is to His people. Though I guess you could say I was expecting this summer to be fun and amazing, I would say it was more hard than fun, and yet because of the Lord it was still amazing. I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend in Belize. I am so thankful for the Lord daily showing me His sweet love and faithfulness. I am so undeserving and yet still He blessed me so much. I am also so thankful for all of my loved ones, all of my family and friends who I knew where faithfully praying for me and loving me. Knowing I had loved ones back home praying brought me tremendous encouragement during the hard times, and it blessed me so much to get on Facebook and read all the encouraging notes from people. I am so blessed. Philippians 4:13 is so true, as is all of God's Word - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I said at the beginning that the first week I was in Belize I often wondered how I would ever make it, and I can truly say that it was only through Christ. He never failed me, and He never will.