My Time in Belize...

Well, I have been back from Belize for about 2.5 weeks now. It is so great to be back home with my family, though I am so thankful for the time I had in Belize.

It is sort of hard telling people about Belize...because it feels like so much happened and it is hard knowing where to even begin. I guess I would begin by saying that Proverbs 16:9 is so true - "In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps" - as well as Romans 8:28 - "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose". Though at the time I don't think I realized it, I went to Belize with plans of how the trip would go and my expectations of what things would be like, though I quickly found that things weren't as I expected. Even in this hard realization, I also found the promise of Romans 8:28 to be so true. There are so many times this summer that I have seen God use hard circumstances and trials for my good.

I was a little nervous about traveling by myself, as I have never traveled on my own and since I am directionally challenged I worried about getting lost and missing my connecting flight. I also knew it would be so hard to say goodbye and didn't know how I would handle it...I figured I would be very emotional. The Lord was so good and gave me such a peace through it all. Though it was hard saying goodbye, it wasn't as difficult as I had thought. It may sound silly, but I figured I could cry after I had left, and not cry in front of everyone. Once I got to my gate I could be sad and work through it. Yet, again, the Lord somehow gave me peace and no tears came. I found my connecting flight okay and even had time to call my parents one last time before boarding the plane for Belize. I was a little bit scared when I reached Belize and had to go through customs and collect my bags by myself, and yet still I felt the peace that surpasses understanding.

That night was a different story. I think it was partly due to the fact that I had been up since 3:15AM and so I was exhausted, but suddenly I realized how far from home I was, and how long I would be in Belize. It was then that I broke down and cried, missing my parents and wondering how in the world I would ever make it the next 2 months. Already it felt like I had been gone forever.

The first week went by incredibly slow, and I think it is partly because I had expected time to go by really fast. See, when I came in years past with the mission team, for the most part time flew by. We would only have a week or 10 days to cram in tons of activities, work, and outreaches, and so we were busy from morning to evening. Now that I was actually living in Belize and doing normal day to day things, time didn't move so quickly. Again, I would often think, "how am I ever going to make it?" I learned early on to take things one day at a time.

Through all of the challenges and fears I faced in Belize, the Lord never once failed me. Mornings were the hardest for me, as that is when I found myself missing home the most, and yet the mornings were also the sweetest as I was able to get away and have quiet time with the Lord. Those times were the best! I simply cannot describe how good the Lord is and how He met me. It wasn't necessarily anything profound or even Him directly speaking to me, but I felt His presence with me, and that gave me the strength I needed. I was reminded of the song lyrics "When we see You we find strength to face the day, and in Your presence all our fears are washed away" and that is so true. To be sure I had my hard times, and yet every time I cried out to the Lord He was there. He is so, so faithful.

One of the things I was most excited about doing in Belize was spending time with the girls that go to Calvary Chapel Cayo. I wanted to build friendships and be able to have devotional times with them. Soon after I got to Belize, Al Wylie and Nate Fanno, some friends from back home, came to do a week long youth camp with the kids from Calvary Chapel Cayo. To be honest, I was a little stressed about this as I was to be one of the leaders for the girls and didn't feel ready at all. Yet this week was one of the highlights of the my trip. I had such a sweet time with the girls and the Lord was so good and we connected very well. By the end of the week I had grown to love them all so much and hated that camp had to be over. I hope the girls were as blessed by the camp as I was! I loved spending time in the Word with them and seeing their hearts for the Lord.

It was also such a blessing being able to get to know the ladies of Calvary Chapel Cayo. I loved our visits and am so blessed to now know more of my sisters in the Lord.

I struggled a lot with fear while I was there. One of my biggest fears was what if something happened to me and I wasn't able to see my family again. I know, "what if's" are very dangerous because in my mind a lot can happen and if I focused on the "what if's" I would find myself fearful and discouraged. I had to once again learn to take every thought captive and trust. All my days are in the hand of Jesus and I had to trust that.

I was so blessed to meet several different teams that came to Belize. I connected with so many on the teams and was so blessed by their friendship and encouragement. It was so cool to meet fellow believers and it really opened my eyes to see that the church is so much more than our own body of believers at home - the church is all around the world. I loved spending time with my new friends, although I hated having to say goodbye. I kept thinking, "Man, I miss everyone back home so much and yet now there are always going to be people I will miss..." and yet I guess that is how life is. I guess it reminds us that this life is not about us, it's about serving the Lord wherever He places us, even if it means missing people. It also makes us more excited for the day in Heaven when we will all be together forever.

While in Belize the Lord used many different songs to bring me encouragement and comfort. One of the songs that brought me comfort was "Sufficient" by Adie Camp:

Hear my heart Lord as I cry out to You
Hear my prayer Lord and carry me through
In Your mercy in the promise You made
Be my strength Lord when my strength fades away

'Cause when I am weak Your strength is complete
It's perfect
Completely all I need
Sufficient for me
Your grace and peace are perfect
Completely all I need
You're all that I need

In my weakness I'm finding Your strength
In my sorrow a gentle embrace
Through the seasons of laughter or pain
You are listening
When I call out Your name

I'll find You when I seek
I'll look for You with all of my heart
And I'll find You when I'm weak

'Cause You are strong

Hear my heart Lord as I cry out to You
Hear my prayer Lord and carry me through
Carry me through

I love that song because it described so perfectly how I felt. I realized that I had often sung those words "You are all that I need" and yet did I really mean it? In Belize I had to learn to depend on the Lord far more than I ever had before, and I had to let Him be enough for me. I had to believe that He is all that I really need. I didn't have my family or friends close by. I couldn't send someone a text or call someone when I was really having a hard time. Well, maybe I could (and I did call home a lot), but not without it costing a lot of money! Let me tell you, there were certainly times I wished I had my family or friends there with me, and yet the Lord wanted me to learn to lean on Him so much more. I was able to meet a really neat couple and spend a couple days with them. Allison, the wife, and I were talking and she shared with me a quote that I really liked. I can't remember it exactly, but it was something like "When trouble comes, do you go to the phone or to the throne?" I love that! It is also very convicting to me. I believe one of the reasons the Lord brought me to Belize was to teach me to run to Him and not to people. I definitely have not mastered this lesson. I am a work in progress :-)

There is so much more I could write about - there are so many more things I could say that would show how amazing and faithful the Lord is to His people. Though I guess you could say I was expecting this summer to be fun and amazing, I would say it was more hard than fun, and yet because of the Lord it was still amazing. I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend in Belize. I am so thankful for the Lord daily showing me His sweet love and faithfulness. I am so undeserving and yet still He blessed me so much. I am also so thankful for all of my loved ones, all of my family and friends who I knew where faithfully praying for me and loving me. Knowing I had loved ones back home praying brought me tremendous encouragement during the hard times, and it blessed me so much to get on Facebook and read all the encouraging notes from people. I am so blessed. Philippians 4:13 is so true, as is all of God's Word - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." I said at the beginning that the first week I was in Belize I often wondered how I would ever make it, and I can truly say that it was only through Christ. He never failed me, and He never will.