Mighty in Power

I'm so thankful for how faithful the Lord is to continually meet me in every circumstance.

I love the book of Psalms, because in that book I find so much encouragement for daily life. I can so often relate to the prayers and the cries of the psalmists, and because of this, it has been my favorite book of the Bible. 

Yesterday, I read Psalm 147. This Psalm in particular has been a favorite of mine, and one that I have read many times. I love verses 3-5:

"He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

He counts the number of the stars;

He calls them all by name.

Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;

His understanding is infinite."

I read that psalm in the morning, and, throughout the day ,verse 5 kept coming to my mind. I love how God does that. 

I've shared before that anxiety has been something which I sometimes battle a lot, and yesterday was one of those days for me. I was finding myself becoming very anxious, and it wasn't even so much because of circumstances, but because of my own thoughts and the dangerous what ifs that sometimes try to take me captive. I found myself wrestling against a lot of anxiety and fear yesterday. I was praying and asking the Lord to help me to trust and to surrender, but still it seemed like such a battle. I'm not sure when it was or how it happened, but suddenly, at one point in the wrestling and praying, that verse from Psalm 147 came to my mind: "Great is the Lord, and mighty in power..." and these words brought so much peace to me. I know the Lord spoke it right to me in answer to my prayer to help me to trust and surrender. As I thought about that verse, I felt peace wash over my mind. The Lord is mighty in power, so why should I be worried about anything? He is all powerful. He is in control. Worry and fear take control when I forget that God is the One in control. Anxiety creeps in when I allow myself to forget that the same God who counts and numbers the stars is also watching over my life. He understands every struggle, every circumstance, every sorrow in life, and He remains mighty in power; sovereign over it all. It's amazing how anxiety ceases when I remember who Jesus is. He is great, and He is mighty in power. I am very thankful for this truth!

Missionary Life

I want to thank you all for your continued prayers as I’m here in Uganda. It’s strange to think that I’ve been here for over six months. In some ways it feels like I haven’t been here that long, but in other ways it feels as though I’ve been here forever. 

As I reflect on these last six months, I find myself very thankful for all that the Lord has been teaching me. I’m thankful that He has been my constant source of encouragement and strength for each day. Surely He is forever faithful! My time here has reminded me of this. 

As I’ve said many times before, I absolutely love the children here, and I feel beyond blessed that I get to be with them. Though my job at the school is now tutoring older children rather than helping in the baby class, I still love spending time with the babies when I can. They are truly so hungry for love, and in giving it I find much joy. 

I will be honest and say that being here is not always easy. Yes, I am very thankful to be here, but this does not mean I don’t have challenging and discouraging days. It’s easier to speak of the blessings rather than the challenges, and sometimes I fear speaking of the challenges lest I sound too negative. I say that so that the next part of this post will be read in the right way. It’s simply me trying to be more real about life here, and asking for continued prayers. It’s easy to post a picture on Facebook and leave it at that, but sometimes I find myself wanting to share more. 

I’ve always been one to put too much pressure on myself, and legalism and guilt have been things I have often struggled against in my life. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that these struggles still exist in me, even in Africa! Sometimes ministry is hard, and sometimes I feel so inadequate and ineffective. Sometimes what I’m doing doesn’t seem like enough, and I find myself feeling like I’m in some way failing at this thing called being a missionary. 

Just this last week, as I was at Bible study in a nearby village, I was praying. I don’t honestly remember my prayer, but I was pouring my heart out to the Lord, and found myself asking “Why am I here?” I don’t say this to sound as though I don’t want to be here, because I really do. It simply was one of those days when I found myself questioning things. I know that the Lord has called me here, but I was questioning why, as I felt like I wasn’t enough. As I was sitting there praying with my eyes closed and head bowed, two of “my” kids, little Brighton and Edidah, came up to me, seeking to get my attention. I feel as though this was the Lord giving me the answer. They are why I’m here. Those kids, and not just those kids, but the many that I get the privilege of loving on almost every day. Deep in my heart, I always knew this, but sometimes I need to be reminded. God knows this.

The next day was the last day of term two at UKP Academy, and I wanted to do something special for Melon and Susan, two of the girls I tutor. I’ve been encouraged by the progress they have made, and I love these girls so much. I decided I would paint their nails, and so I took them up to the house that last day of school. I was so blessed by their excitement and the joy on their faces. I wished that we spoke the same language and I could have talked to them as I painted their nails, but our conversations are still very limited. Still, I said what I could, and I believe we all were blessed. This too was a reminder of why I’m here. I thought about how these girls probably have never had anyone paint their nails and take time like that for them. I don’t want that in any way to sound like I did something good, because I only did what God placed on my heart to do, and I can honestly say it’s all Him. I say this to share how the Lord encouraged me, and how He so sweetly used that time to remind me of the purpose and plans He has for me here in Uganda. 

I know that the enemy would love for me to spend my days feeling inadequate and ineffective. He would love for me to feel like I’m failing, and yet Jesus continually speaks truth into my life. Jesus reminds me of my desperate need for Him, and He reminds me that despite my feelings, His grace is sufficient. He reminds me that He can use even my weaknesses for His glory, and that being here in Africa has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him. Jesus tells me not to fall into the pit of self condemnation and defeat, but to rise up and walk in the plans He has for me here, and to let His joy be my strength. 

The thing is, my focus can’t be on myself or my feelings, how I feel I’m doing or if I feel like I’m doing enough or not. Focusing on myself will either lead to pride or despair, but focusing on Jesus is what brings peace and joy. If my focus is solely on others and their needs, I’ll become overwhelmed and worn out, but as I look to Jesus, I will find He will always equip me and give me grace for each day.

To be sure there have been days when I miss home and my life there, yet I know that if I went home and lived the American life I sometimes miss, my heart would have a huge hole in it. There is nothing more fulfilling and rewarding as in living the life God has created me to live. 

The God of Peace

Last night I sat outside for awhile, drinking lemongrass milk and enjoying the clear night with the stars above. I was again reminded of how thankful I am to be here in Uganda, and I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness to work in my life. 

The last week or so was hard for me, not so much with any outward circumstance, but inwardly I was battling much anxiety and fear. I felt so discouraged by the amount of anxiety I felt inside, and I felt like I was failing, because as much as I would pray and cry out to the Lord, the anxious thoughts and feelings did not leave. 

I felt very under attack, and I wanted so desperately to feel the Lord’s peace and for Him to calm my heart and mind. I think that the Lord allows me to go through those times so that I learn deeper dependency on Him. I have been listening to many teachings lately, and have found such encouragement in them. The pastor I was listening to said that worship is our greatest weapon in our darkest night. He said that we have to lift our eyes higher to the One who is above it all. That was such a good reminder for me! 

One day this last week, during my quiet time, I was reminded that God is the God of peace. I looked in Scripture at different places that describe who God is, and these verses greatly encouraged me:

“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

~1 Peter 5:10

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” 

~Romans 15:13 

“Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen.”

~Romans 15:33 

I thought about that. God is the God of all grace, He is the God of hope, He is the God of peace, and He is my God. I’m so thankful for that. I know I needed this reminder. Anxiety gets my focus on myself and on circumstances, but the cure for anxiety is getting my focus back on my God. It’s when I recognize the One who is with me, and who He really is, that I find peace. 

The Lord is so good, and He is so faithful to bring me back to Himself.
This morning, I read Proverbs 16:18 - “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”. 

I thought about that, and how really anxiety is a form of pride, thinking that everything depends on me. I become anxious when I take things upon myself that I should be casting upon Jesus. I get anxious when I fail to commit things to my faithful Heavenly Father. I get anxious when I try to carry things I was never meant to carry, when I choose to carry the anxieties instead of casting them on Jesus. He is the One who is able to carry it all for me. I can give Him my anxieties in exchange for His peace. 

I’m so thankful for the peace that I have in Him, the peace that comes when I recognize He is my faithful Creator and Father. I can confidently trust Him with my life, and with the lives of those I love. I can confidently commit things to Him in prayer, and leave it all at the cross. The cross is proof that He will do what is best. Anxiety stops when I choose to leave it all at the cross, recognizing He is able to carry it all. 

So, as I sat outside last night, looking up at the stars and thinking about life, I was filled with peace as I thought about the Creator of the stars. I’m so thankful that the same One who created the stars loves me and holds all things in His hand. Because of that, my heart rejoices, and I have peace. As I sat there last night, I listened to one of my favorite worship songs, “Only You”, and I love the lyrics:

“Take my heart, I lay it down

At the feet of You who’s crowned

Take my life, I'm letting go

I lift it up to You who's throned

And I will worship You, Lord

Only You, Lord

And I will bow down before You

Only You, Lord

Take my fret, take my fear

All I have, I'm leaving here

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams

Be all my delights, be my everything” 

That truly is the prayer of my heart, to bow before Jesus alone, and to recognize that He has it all under control. Far too often I bend under the weight of anxiety and fear, but I want to bend my knees before Jesus, knowing all things are safely in His hand. 

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

~1 Peter 5:6-7 

His Mercy Endures

I love how the Lord is faithful to speak to me through His Word, and I love how He uses everyday circumstances to teach and show me new things.

We lost power early on Monday morning. Now, this is pretty common here in Uganda, and I never really know if the power outage will last a few moments or a few days. Needless to say, it is always very disappointing when we lose power! It’s one of those things you don’t really think about until it’s gone. 

It really isn’t terrible when we lose power since we have a generator and most things run on solar anyway, but there are certain things you can’t use on the generator or on solar. It’s not the end of the world by any means, but life simply isn’t as convenient without electricity.

All that being said, still I usually get frustrated when the power goes out, and I hope and pray it comes back quickly. That morning, however, the Lord actually used the brief power outage to speak to me powerfully! I love how He works and uses all things, even the little things.

I was finishing up my devotions when we lost power that morning. I read Psalm 118, which I had read many times before, but suddenly verse 1 held so much more meaning for me:

“OH, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! 

For His mercy endures forever.”

I thought about how the power had just gone out. It can easily be used up and sadly doesn’t last. I was reminded that the Lord’s mercy is not like that. His mercy endures. Endure means to continue to exist; to last. His mercy continues to exist; it lasts forever. I don’t have to live each day hoping and praying it will last. I’m promised right in His word that it will.

I’m so very thankful that God’s mercy and love lasts forever. Each day He meets me with renewed mercy, and thus, renewed strength. So much in this life wears out and ceases to exist. His love, however, endures throughout all the pressures and stresses of this life. His love and mercies are inexhaustible. I can rest confidently in God’s mercy because it will never fail me, even when all else does.

“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23

Seeing Jesus

Recently, I found myself feeling anxious and struggling. That same morning, I had music playing in my room. A song came on which I had heard many times before, but it suddenly ministered so powerfully to me. Many of you probably know the song - “Open the Eyes of My Heart”:

“Open the eyes of my heart, Lord

Open the eyes of my heart

I want to see You

I want to see You
To see You high and lifted up

Shining in the light of Your glory

Pour out Your power and love

As we sing holy, holy, holy...”

As I listened to those words, I was reminded of how desperately I needed my eyes to be opened; to see the Lord high and lifted up. I needed to see His glory, which makes all else fade in the background. I thought about how so often I only see my anxieties. So often I only see the things that cause me stress or the challenges I face throughout the day. Admittedly, far too often all I see is myself, instead of seeing the Lord high and lifted up. Too often I see much of my anxiety, and little of Jesus. When I see Him high and lifted up, everything changes. The words to this song became my prayer. I want the Lord to open the eyes of my heart, to have eyes that see Him, even in the daily struggles and challenges. I want to have eyes that look past myself and unto Jesus. 

On another day that was especially challenging for me, the Lord brought to my mind Hebrews 11:27:

“By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king; for he endured as seeing Him who is invisible”. 

I love that! Moses endured because he saw Him who is invisible. He saw God, and that gave him the strength to keep pressing on, to keep going, even through the difficulties that came his way. I want to have eyes that see God’s goodness, even in the challenges. I want to have eyes that see His grace, even in my failures. I want to have eyes that see Him in all things. I’ve learned that when I see Jesus, everything changes.

I long for the eyes of my heart to be open. I want to see Jesus high and lifted up, on both the good days and the challenging ones. When I have eyes that see Jesus, I can endure any challenge with great joy, because He is beautiful. 

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.”

~Hebrews 12:1-2 

Resting and Waiting

“Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for Him;

Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,

Because of the man who brings wicked

schemes to pass.”

~Psalm 37:7

I’m so thankful that I can rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him, because He is so faithful. 

It’s far too easy for me to become impatient and begin to question what God is doing, but that all begins to fade as I focus on the character of my God.

He is loving and kind, compassionate and faithful. He delights in giving His children good things. 

Sometimes He says no, not to hurt us, but because He loves us too much to let us have our own way. He uses the trials and disappointments in this life to refine us, to draw us closer to Himself, and to show us that our hope in Him goes deeper than anything we face in this life.

Remembering the character of my God greatly encourages me, and feeding on His faithfulness today helps me to trust Him with tomorrow.

Before I was able to come to Uganda, God took me through a long season of waiting. There were days I waited very impatiently; days when I felt so discouraged in the waiting process. Now, as I sit here in Uganda, I’m deeply thankful that God loved me enough to take me through that season of waiting and preparation. I can now see how He has a purpose in every season of waiting, whether or not we can see it at the present moment. 

I’m thankful that I can rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him. He is a good Father who delights in blessing His children with good things - in His perfect timing.

God's Timing

I can't believe that two weeks from now I will already be in Uganda! It seems like time just keeps moving faster and faster. I feel nowhere near ready, but I know that somehow I'll be on that plane on the 29th, and everything will be done that needs to be done.

Before going on a mission trip, there always seems to be a lot of spiritual warfare. I’ve been on many mission trips, and each time this has been the case. I wish that knowing this would make it somehow easier when the attacks come, but it really doesn't. 

One of my biggest fears of going to Africa is that something might happen to a loved one while I’m there. It’s hard for me to think of being so far away if something happens. I know that God has called me to Uganda and will be faithful to take care of me there, but somehow I struggle more with trusting Him to take care of my family here.

Some of you might know that my grandpa passed away a few days ago. He had been very sick for a little over a week, and it was a hard week for our family. It’s hard seeing someone you love suffer, it’s hard seeing someone you love hurt, and it’s hard seeing someone in the process of dying. I had never before witnessed this, and it’s difficult. We knew grandpa’s time was short, but we didn’t really know how long. We didn’t know if it was weeks, days, or hours. Only God knew. Because of this, I began thinking of my upcoming trip to Africa, and how it’s quickly approaching. I struggled at the thought of going while my grandpa was so ill and close to passing. I felt as though me leaving for Uganda was me walking out on my family during a difficult time. I felt like maybe I was being selfish. I struggled, wondering if maybe I should postpone my trip. Also during this time, I found out that if I leave on the 29^th as I planned, I would be flying alone. I planned to travel with a couple others, but things happened and they were having to postpone their trip. I had been so very excited and thankful to not have to make this trip alone, and so I felt really disappointed. I also felt really nervous about making the trip alone even though I did it last time. I wondered if maybe it was God telling me I too should postpone due to my family’s circumstances. Somehow though, I felt no peace about postponing, even though that’s really what I wanted. Don’t get me wrong, I’m super excited to be back in Uganda. I can’t wait to be back with the James’ and to be with the children once again, but with everything going on here, I was struggling with the timing of it all. Last week, one of my pastors prayed for me as I shared these struggles and how I felt so torn inside on what I should do. He told me I needed to ask not what should I do, but how would God be most glorified in this situation? I came home and I talked to my parents and they assured me they still wanted me to go to Uganda when originally planned if that’s what I wanted to do. I felt better after talking to them, but I still felt a little unsure.

The next morning I was having my devotion time, and I felt so amazed by how God so clearly spoke to me through His Word. I have been doing the One Year Bible reading plan, and that day’s reading included a section in Matthew that spoke of the cost of discipleship.

“Then another of His disciples said to Him,

‘Lord, let me first go and bury my father.’

But Jesus said to him, ‘Follow Me, and let the dead bury their own dead.’”

~Matthew 8:21-22

This spoke so powerfully to me…it was as if God bent down from heaven and spoke right to my very situation. I struggled with wanting to be here when my grandpa passed, and for the funeral and all that goes along with it. I struggled with wanting to be there for my dad through it all, and yet I felt in my heart the call that I needed to go. Those verses spoke so loudly straight to my heart, as I was reminded that Jesus had called me, and I needed to follow. 

My grandpa passed away on Monday at 8:02PM. I’m thankful that I was able to be here.

Last year, a week before I left for Uganda, my dog passed away, and now it’s my grandpa. It can be hard for me to understand the timing of things like this, but honestly I feel that it is God being merciful to me. God is so merciful and good to have allowed me to be here. God is also so merciful and good to allow me to go to Uganda in less than two short weeks. He knows that I love it in Uganda, and that it brings a special joy to my heart; a joy that I need right now. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning. 

Last week I really struggled with the thought of going to Uganda alone as originally planned. I wanted to change my ticket and go with the others, and it seemed to make so much sense to do so! I now see why I felt no peace in that, because God knew my grandpa would pass before I left. It also sounds like I will not be going alone anymore, and I’m very thankful for that. I’m thankful that God gave me the grace to trust Him and follow His lead. I think that last week was God asking me, “Are you still going to trust and follow Me?” One thing I’ve learned: it is always worth it, even when it’s painful and makes no earthly sense.

As hard as the last couple of weeks have been, I am so thankful for the greatness of God and His faithfulness to walk beside us in the hard times. Though the death of my grandpa awakens my fear that something may happen to a loved one while I’m away, I know that it’s all in God’s hand. I may not always be able to be here when things happen, but I’m thankful that this time I was. I’m thankful for those sweet moments I was able to sit at his bedside and tell him I loved him, I'm thankful I've been able to be there with my grandma as she mourns the loss of her husband, and I’m thankful I’ve been able to be here with my family during this time. I may not understand God’s ways or timing, but with all my heart I know that His ways are merciful and His timing is perfect. 

"It seemed to her at that moment that all the pain and the postponement, all the sorrows and trials of the long journey she had made, were as nothing compared to the glory which shone before her."

~Hannah Hurnard ("Hinds Feet on High Places")

“When we arrive at eternity’s shore 

Where death is just a memory and tears are no more 

We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring 

Your bride will come together and we’ll sing 

You’re beautiful”

 ~Phil Wickham