Sometimes, it doesn't make sense what God is doing. There is so much that happens in this life which we just simply cannot understand in our flesh. God's ways are past our understanding. While that can be hard and cause us to question at times, I'm thankful to serve a God who is so much bigger than anything I can comprehend.
As most of you know, a week before I left for Uganda, I lost my beloved dog, Gidget. It seemed like such bad timing (though really, there never would be a good time for such a thing), and I really lacked motivation to prepare for my trip. It even caused me to not want to leave home, as I struggled more with leaving my loved ones, thinking more about the "what ifs".
I realize it was God's grace that allowed me to be there for Gidget at the end, and that it was also His grace which allowed me to leave soon after, because it was really a good thing for me to go at such a time. Everything at home seemed to remind me of her, and it was really the best thing for me to leave the surroundings that constantly reminded me so much of her.
Don't get me wrong, I still miss Gidget so much, I still think of her often, and I still cry. I still feel the pain of losing her; my heart does still grieve. But at the same time, I have a deep joy in my heart as I serve the Lord here in Uganda. I have a joy that comes from doing what I feel as though I was created to do, serving and loving His children. I can't really even describe it, but being here has brought such a deep sense of fulfillment, it feels so right, and like I said, it feels as though I'm doing exactly what I was made to do. I'm so grateful for that!
Since my arrival, there have been many deaths here. I wondered if this was normal, and Danyal said that it's not. I've gone to just two of the burials. The most recent one I went to was for a woman just a little younger than me, who was murdered. The whole thing is so horrible. I stood close to the front (honestly it seemed too close) at the burial, and someone told me that the man in front of me was the father of the girl. It was heartbreaking to see him weep as his daughter's casket was lowered into the ground. I cannot even imagine the pain he must have felt, the pain he must still be feeling. I cried, though I didn't even know her myself, but I cried for the loss of the family, and was thinking of my own recent loss and how painful it all is.
I think of Romans 12:15 which says, "Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." We are called to have compassion and empathize with others, and I've realized that the pain we go through ourselves helps us to do that. I know that it may sound silly, and maybe even bad, to compare losing a dog to losing a daughter, and so know that I'm not doing that. I'm simply saying that I felt the deep pain of loss in having Gidget pass away. She was my baby for 13 years and it hurt so much to have her leave me. So, I feel as though I now better understand the pain of losing a loved one, and the deep sorrow that fills the heart.
Maybe that's part of the reason God took Gidget from me when He did, because He knew that coming to Uganda would mean encountering those going through sorrow and the grief of losing someone. He knew that me going through it myself would give me a compassion and an empathy for these people that I don't think I'd have otherwise; a heart that weeps with those who weeps.
I'm not saying I'm glad that God took Gidget when He did, because I still hurt, and I'm still sad. I'm simply saying that I feel as though I might have caught a glimpse of the reason for the timing of it all. I'm thankful for that.
I'm thankful most of all to know that Jesus has conquered death, I'm thankful that my Savior lives, and because He lives, I will live also. I'm thankful that He is the resurrection and the life. I'm thankful that although there may be tears and sorrow now, one day He will wipe away every tear, and everlasting joy will fill the hearts of His children. I'm thankful for the hope of heaven; it's hope that no sorrow can diminish.
Soon we will be celebrating Easter. I feel as though this year's celebration will be extra special for me, as I have a renewed thankfulness for the meaning of it. I'm so thankful that my Savior defeated death, and that death is not the end. I'm thankful that He is the resurrection and the life, and even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, He walks with me all the way. ❤️
Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me, though he may die, he shall live."
~John 11:25
He will swallow up death forever
And the LORD GOD will wipe away tears from all faces;
The rebuke of His people
He will take away from all the earth;
For the LORD has spoken.
~Isaiah 25:8
Therefore you now have sorrow; but I will see you again and your heart will rejoice, and your joy no one will take from you.
~John 16:22
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves our comforted by God.
~2 Corinthians 1:3-4
