Thoughts on Psalm 126

“The Lord has done great things for us, 

And we are glad.” 

~Psalm 126:3 

Truly, the Lord has done great things for for Zack and me. I can say this with full confidence as I remember these last couple of years...our time of courting and then our marriage which began soon after that. I can look back and see God’s hand over it all, and my heart is glad as I remember these things. I cannot deny His faithfulness to us. 

I must admit, however, that in the recent past, and even into the present, the words “we are glad” have not really been upon my lips or even on my mind. It seems we have been walking through a difficult season, and at times I have felt anything but glad. My heart has felt so heavy day after day, and at times I’ve wondered what is even wrong with me because I know I have so many reasons to rejoice and be thankful. Why then is this heaviness persisting? 

I know that this is a difficult season for many, not just for us. We are not alone in the struggles we face and the discouragement we battle. This pandemic has been trying on many souls, on many marriages, on so many families. 

In this season, however, we have been greatly blessed. I became pregnant with our first baby! We cannot wait to meet our precious baby boy, Caleb Daniel. I have loved being pregnant. I have loved feeling him move around inside my womb and kick. I love feeling him respond to me when I talk to him and press on my belly. Now when I see babies, my heart swells with excitement as I think of the day I get to hold my own, and how special that is going to be. 

In the midst of the excitement of my pregnancy, there have still been many challenges and struggles we have faced. Some days I have felt so discouraged, and then on top of the discouragement I have felt tremendous guilt because I think that this should be such a happy time in my life and I should not be feeling downcast. I have felt guilt each time I break down into tears, wondering if Caleb knows I’m crying and hoping that I’m not upsetting him. As I often have crumbled under the weight of discouragement, I have wondered how I’m going to be a good mother. I’ve wondered how I’m going to point my son to Jesus when honestly I have had a hard time going to Him myself lately.

In the midst of the struggles and the heaviness that has been upon me, I must still remember that the Lord HAS done great things for us, and He will continue to do so, for such is His manner towards His children! I’ve wrestled against so many thoughts, and there have been days I have even felt angry with God, somehow convincing my troubled heart that He no longer cared for me. I’m learning to be real with God. I know that He does care for me, and He truly is faithful. I’m learning that when I face doubts and frustrations, instead of hiding them and pretending like they are not there, I can honestly bring them before Him and lay them down. It is when I do this that I find peace, that I once again see the love He has for me, and again realize that He truly is my faithful Heavenly Father. He is my Shepherd, and He will lead me through this valley. He sees the tears I cry and He knows my pain. 

I love verses 5-6 of Psalm 126 -

“Those who sow in tears 

Shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him.”

Though this has been a season of weeping, I’m going to choose to remember that God has still done great things for us, even in this season. I believe that joy still comes in the morning, and that God is still faithful to give joy for mourning and beauty for ashes. 

Relying on the Lord

“And at that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah, and said to him: ‘Because you have relied on the king of Syria, and have not relied on the LORD your God, therefore the army of the king of Syria has escaped from your hand. Were the Ethiopians and the Lubim not a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet, because you relied on the LORD, He delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal to Him. In this you have done foolishly; therefore from now on you shall have wars.’”

~2 Chronicles 16:7-9

I recently read this passage of Scripture, and I was both encouraged and convicted. I read it at a time when I was struggling to really trust the Lord. I realized that just like King Asa turned to other things for deliverance and security, so too I often do the same. I find encouragement as I realize that when I truly trust in and rely upon the Lord, He will be faithful to work out all the details of my life. He will be faithful to take care, to provide, to protect, to guide, and to give victory over the struggles of this life. 

I looked up the word “rely” in the dictionary, and here is the definition: “To rest on something, as the mind when satisfied of the veracity, integrity or ability of persons, or of the certainty of facts or of evidence; to have confidence in; to trust in; to depend; with on. We rely on the promise of a man who is known to be upright; we rely on the veracity or fidelity of a tried friend; a prince relies on the affections of his subjects for support, and on the strength of his army for success in war; above all things, we rely on the mercy and promises of God. That which is the ground of confidence, is a certainty or full conviction that satisfies the mind and leaves it at rest, or undisturbed by doubt.” 

I like that! I want to have confidence in, depend on, and rest on the Lord. I want to have full confidence in Him, to have my mind at rest, undisturbed by doubt, knowing He will come through for me.

Far too often I try to rely on other things or even on other people, and this causes great anxiety. In contrast, when I choose to rely upon the Lord, He gives me the rest and peace that I desperately need. My heart is so prone to wander and go after other things, yet He is always so faithful to bring me back to that place of reliance and trust in Him. I’m so thankful for this! ❤️