Ready, Set, Pray...

Some of you reading this may know that I have been planning to go to Belize as an intern for Patrick and Deana this upcoming summer. It is something that I have been seriously considering since about last spring, and in August on the mission trip to Belize I had wanted the Lord to show me whether or not it was HIS desire for me to be an intern. I knew it was my desire, but I wanted to be sure it was also His. On that trip the Lord met me in such an awesome way. I struggled with missing home, which suddenly made me realize it would be terribly hard to be away for the summer, and yet the Lord so sweetly reminded me that HE is my home, just as the song goes... "You are my rest, You are my home, safe in Your arms, my Hideaway." I never really missed home before on the other two mission trips I had been on, not because I didn't miss my family, but on trips like that you are so busy that the time just flies. This trip didn't seem that way though for some reason, even though it was about the same amount of time as my trip to Germany was.The Lord taught me to depend on Him in a way I never before had, to depend on Him to be my home; my rest. I really think it was because the Lord was showing me that as I plan, as I get ready, as I go to Belize, I am totally dependent upon Him. In my own strength, I cannot do it. I simply can't. I can't think of being away from my family and friends that long. I get nervous when I think that this will be the first mission trip I am going on without a team of friends coming alongside me. There is no way I can do this alone; it has to be the Lord...which is how it should be.

I get so excited when I think about what the Lord will do on this trip. I can't wait to spend time with the McCusker family and love on little Chasey and Kylan. I am so excited to go see the girls again who live in the neighborhood. They are all so sweet and I can't wait to be able to see them again and get to know them more. I can't wait to meet new people and build new relationships.

Even now though, about 6 months before I am even going, I feel the fear that threatens to overwhelm me. Lately right before I fall asleep, I seem to often think about Belize. Of course I am excited, but lying there at night is when the worries and fears begin to creep into my mind. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear not, for I am with you, Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes I will help you. I will uphold you with My righteous right hand." I find so much comfort, so much peace in that verse. The Lord is just so good! I have all of His promises He has made to me, every single one He is faithful to keep. I surely do not go alone.

I simply cannot wait for the summertime, and even now it is so exciting to see the Lord's provisions for the trip. This morning for Christmas my parents gave me some money to put towards the trip, on the package my Mom wrote "Proverbs 3:5-6" When I opened it, it was money and my Dad told me it was for my trip. It made me so happy, not only to be that much closer to funding the trip (now I have about half a month's funding, yay!!), but to have their support in this. I know that it is hard for them to let me go, even if it is just for the summer. The Lord is faithful and I know that just as He will provide me with peace and strength, He will give them that as well.

Have I mentioned how excited I am? Because I AM SO EXCITED! I think that there is nothing more exciting than knowing the Lord is with you in what you are doing, and knowing that you don't have to pretend to be strong enough, or brave enough. HE is strong enough, and His perfect love casts out all fear. There is nothing to fear when you're in the center of God's will. Thank You, Jesus.

Psalm 56:9-10 "Then my enemies will turn back in the day when I call; This I know, that God is for me. In God, whose word I praise, in the LORD, whose word I praise, In God I have put my trust, I shall not be afraid. What can man do to me?"

Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths."

Deuteronomy 31:8 "The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed."

"God's work, done in God's way, will never lack God's supplies." Hudson Taylor

"When I can't see You I know You're there
When I can't feel You I will not fear
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid
When the battle is close at hand
Though You're with me and help me stand
I will trust in You and I will not be afraid

I will not be afraid
I will not be afraid
I will trust in You
I will trust in You
I will trust in You"

(Jeremy Camp, "Trust in You")

John 3:30

"He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30

Now that is a verse that my flesh greatly struggles against. It is SO against my flesh to ask the Lord to increase and myself to decrease, because basically my flesh wants everything all about me, though what a contrast that is to how we are called to live. In Luke 9:23 Jesus said that if we want to come after Him we must deny ourselves, take up our crosses daily, and follow Him. Once again, the whole denying self thing is difficult, as it is so against what I in myself want and even against what this world teaches.

I guess I am in the process of learning (and always will be I am sure!) to be driven by the Lord's desires and wants for my life, rather than my own. Reading John 3:30 tonight I was encouraged, because that is what I so need all the time. Lately as I have been thinking about my life, where I want to go and what I want to do, I am learning to simply surrender it all to the Lord. I'm learning to not be guided by my emotions and what I want, but to simply wait on the Lord and let Him lead me to what He wants for me, and to trust that His desires are far better than any of mine. Lord, decrease me in all areas of my life, so that You might increase.

"Holy fire burn away

My desire for anything
That is not of You and is of me
I want more of You
And less of me

Empty me, empty me,

Fill me with You, with You"