Thursday, November 23, 2017

Finding Rest in His Goodness

Today I was thinking about the ways God has blessed me this past year, and my heart is truly so full and thankful. I thought about how good God has been to me, not just this year, but my whole life. Truly I could never deny His goodness. Yes, there have been trials and sorrows over the years, but even in them God has always been faithful to show up and show me His goodness. I don't say God is good because that's what I've been taught, but rather that's what I've experienced firsthand.

Something that I like to do on New Year's Eve is journal about my year, the blessings as well as the hardships. I like to write it all out as it helps me to see how the Lord has once again proven Himself so faithful, and it helps me go into the new year with His goodness and faithfulness in mind.
I know we still have a ways before this year is over (and I'm definitely not trying to make time go by faster!), but today I found myself already thinking about this last year and how truly good He has been.

This year, God truly gave me the desire of my heart by allowing me to go to Uganda for three months. There were times when it seemed impossible and I didn't know how it was all going to work. There were times I was tempted to let fear stop me from going, and yet God was faithful. I was so scared to fly to Uganda by myself, and I honestly didn't think I would be able to do it because the fear was so overwhelming, but God met me even in my deepest fear and in those moments of doubt.
If I had let that fear stop me from following God's call to Uganda, I would I have missed so very much! My heart felt so full throughout my time there, and I'm so thankful that God blessed me beyond what I could have imagined as I served Him there. I guess that's just what He does isn't it? He calls us to places that at first might seem scary and unknown, and yet as we follow, He shows up every step of the way. I can't even tell you the number of times the Lord so faithfully and so sweetly met me as I called out to Him, starting from the night before I even left. The night before I left for Uganda was a very hard one, as I had lost my beloved dog just a week prior. My heart was so heavy and so sad, and on top of that, I had so much fear about making the trip alone. I remember going into my room and crying so hard as I thought about what lie ahead. God is so faithful, and I believe He allows times like that, times where we feel completely at a lost and completely overwhelmed, so that we look up to Him, the One who has it all in His hand. The next morning I awoke, still afraid, and yet God met me even there. I've been doing the One Year Bible reading plan, and Psalm 34 "just happened" to be part of the reading for that day. I love verse 4:
"I sought the LORD, and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears". Though my heart felt so fearful, I was reminded that the Lord was able to deliver me from that.
The Lord filled me with His supernatural peace, and I truly felt His presence with me as I traveled.

Though I felt so fulfilled and so thankful to be in Uganda, there were still days that proved to be challenging, days when it was hard to be in a different culture and away from home. There were days I felt totally inadequate and overwhelmed. I loved all the children so much, but there were days in class when I knew I was in way over my head! There was one day in particular that I remember going to one of the vacant classrooms, feeling so overwhelmed and so unsure. I felt so inadequate for the tasks at hand, and I literally cried out to the Lord. He met me so faithfully as He brought to my remembrance the very verse I had read that morning. There were so many times like that! Times when I would need a word of encouragement from the Lord, and He always met me.

It's good for me to remember these things. It's good for me to remember how good and faithful God has been to me, because though I know God is good, it's still so easy to fear the future and the unknown. My mind still quickly goes to the "what if's", and I forget that even if my worst fear were to become reality, God is still good and He is still on the throne.

I am so excited to return to Uganda, and daily I find myself missing it. The Lord often brings to my mind a memory, and I find myself feeling "homesick" for Uganda. I know that it's the Lord preparing my heart to return, because as much as I want to return, I'm also feeling sad at the thought of leaving my home here. It is really hard for me the months right before I leave, as I begin thinking of all that I'm going to miss, but even in this time of preparation before I leave, God is faithful to meet me.

As the doubts and fears come - and they do - especially as I lay in bed at night and try to rest - God is faithful to meet me. As there are times I wrestle with my doubts and I question things, I am reminded to walk by faith, and that He is enough. There are times that I honestly feel tired of walking by faith, when my faith itself feels tired, but how thankful I am that even those times, God never grows weary. Instead, He comes to me in His perfect love and walks with me through the questions and the doubts, reminding me of His all sufficient grace.

A verse that I recently read has stuck with me:

"Return to your rest, my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you"
~Psalm 116:7

Though there are times when I feel so restless and uneasy, I'm comforted as I go back to the truth of God's Word. He has been good to me, so very good, and because of this, truly I can rest. I can rest knowing that the One who has been faithful to me in the past will continue His faithfulness to me in the future, whatever it brings. I can rest knowing that no matter what tomorrow may bring, He will still be good and He will still be enough for me. I can rest knowing that even though I leave behind my family, the same God who goes with me and takes care of me will stay with them and take care of them. I can rest knowing that my God is good, and He is working for my good, even in the ways I don't yet understand.

Truly God is good, and I'm so thankful that I can rest in His goodness.