Thursday, March 21, 2013

Obedience Is Better Than Sacrifice

I'm so very thankful for the Lord's faithfulness in my life. Even though my time here in Costa Rica has been very different than what I expected, it has been so very blessed. I once heard something said about how the problem with expectations is that most of the time we don't realize we have them until they are not met. How true that is!

On my very first mission trip, which was to Germany, the pastor who led the trip said to go with no expectations. I think that is great advice full of wisdom. The problem is, as humans, we do often have expectations in some way, shape, or form. I think something we need to consider is how do we respond when those expectations are not met? Do we become bitter and question God, or do we humbly submit to the Lord's plan, saying, "Not my will but Yours", knowing His ways are so much higher than ours?

I came here to Costa Rica expecting it to be much like my time in Belize was almost two years ago.
My time in Belize was incredibly hard, and also very primitive. We had no electricity, no running water, and there were seven of us who slept in a one room cabin. I was super homesick, but every moment that I talked on the phone to my family was costly, and internet was not something we had access to on a daily basis. There were times it was really scary living out in the jungle, and so many times I cried out to the Lord, knowing I needed His strength to carry on each day.
It was hard, and yet each time I cried to the Lord, He so faithfully strengthened me. My times with Him were so sweet. Though physically and emotionally I felt so weak, spiritually I was being strengthened daily.

All that being said, I guess I came to Costa Rica expecting the same hard times (though I knew it wouldn't be nearly as primitive), and also expected the same sweet times, but therein lies the problem... I was expecting the "same" times, and nothing remains the same except Jesus Christ Himself.

When I found that I was not experiencing the same hard times, as well as the sweet times of crying out to the Lord, I began to feel as if I was doing something wrong. I have had my challenges and hard days here, but, again, not as in Belize, and thus I began to think maybe I'm not a threat to the enemy. I know this probably sounds really silly, but it is something through which I have been really struggling.

I've longed to have the same sweet times with the Lord, and I've felt so frusterated, wondering what is wrong with me.

This all comes back to the expectations that snuck in with my luggage and came with me. I made the terrible mistake of focusing on feelings and what I'm doing, rather than on what Jesus is doing. I worried so much about how my time on the mission field now is different than it was then, which blinded me to all that the Lord is doing presently.

Recently, I talked to both my Mom and the pastor's wife here, and they reminded me that the Lord only desires obedience. Sometimes I can get it into my head that I need to be suffering for Christ, experiencing an excruciating trial, in order to be really living for Christ, but this mindset is so wrong. Of course, suffering does sometimes follow obedience, but we must not gauge our obedience based upon our suffering, based upon how much we are sacrificing.

The Lord desires obedience and not sacrifice. The Lord sees not as I see in my limited point of view. The Lord looks at my obedience, whereas I look at my sacrifice. If my sacrifice doesn't seem grand enough or good enough, I despair, thinking I'm not living in obedience.

Here in Costa Rica, I have running water, electricity, and most of the time access to internet, which means I can talk to my family pretty much whenever I want. These are all huge blessings, and I am so thankful for them. Though being here in Costa Rica does not "feel" like much of a sacrifice, I know that this is where the Lord has called me.

Though I brought with me my expectations, I do not want to carry them back home with me... unmet expecations are far too heavy and thus far too costly to carry.

God's ways are so much better than mine, and He always gives His best to those who leave the choice with Him.  Though different than what I expected, my time here in Costa Rica has been so very blessed.

This morning as I was on a walk, I saw some of the children in my neighborhood. One of them was a little girl who stole my heart one of my first weeks here. When she sees me, her face lights up with a beautiful smile that makes my day. With her was a little boy, who was anxious to show me he lost a tooth.
A little further down the road, I passed by a couple girls who live across the street from me, and they greeted my warmly with hugs. I love these children!

 It has been very hard not being able to really communicate with them because of the language barrier, but it is so humbling that they are still excited to see me and eager for me to take them into my arms and love them.

I'm going to miss my morning walks, I'm going to miss seeing the children walk to school, I'm going to miss the girls greeting me from across the street when I'm coming and going from my apartment.

Was Costa Rica what I expected? I guess it wasn't, but I know it was what God knew I needed. I don't have to go home carrying unmet expectations, I can go with a heart filled with love for these children, a heart filled with gratitude that for almost six months God saw fit to give me children to love, and somehow they loved me back.

Thank you for your love, prayers, and encouragement while I have been away. I am excited that I will be able to see many of you soon!

Please pray for my team and I as our time here comes to an end. Please pray that by His grace we finish well.

God bless,

Emily

And Samuel said, "Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams." 1 Samuel 15:22

For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

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