An Encouraging Promise

 “For I will pour water on him who is thirsty, 
And floods on the dry ground; 
I will pour My Spirit on your descendants,
And My blessing on your offspring.”
~Isaiah 44:3

I read this words, these promises, and tears fill my eyes. I’ve struggled with much fear lately. It is no secret that we live in turbulent times, especially for those who are believers in Christ Jesus and who seek to stand in His truth. It seems that everywhere we turn nowadays there’s disagreements, dissension, strife, and most of all, fear. We live in a broken world, and we are reminded of that constantly.

I’m a new mom, having had my son just this year. Because I’m now a mom, talk of our declining culture is even more bothersome to me and provokes so much fear. How will my son navigate these trying times? Will he be confused, not knowing good from evil? How can I shield him from the lies that our culture shouts at us, when it seems to be shouting louder and louder every day? How will I be brave enough to lead him through hard times, when I struggle with such fear and anxiety myself? These are the thoughts, and there are many more like it, that so often plague my heart and mind, and, if not surrendered quickly, can bring me to a place of such discouragement. 

But this morning, as I sat and read my Bible, these words in Isaiah jumped out at me, almost shouted, and my heart was filled with hope and encouragement. This was a promise that I needed to hear and remember. I looked up the definition of pour, and here was one definition: “It expresses particularly the bestowing or sending forth in copious abundance”. I like that. Here is a promise from the Lord, that He will send His Spirit in abundance on our offspring, on our descendants, on our children…on my son.

I’m reminded of a quote by Corrie Ten Boom - “If you look at the world, you’ll be distressed. If you look within, you’ll be depressed. If you look at God you’ll be at rest”. More than ever, these words are true. I’m distressed when I look at the world around me, I’m depressed as I look at myself and see such weakness and struggles, but then I look at Jesus, and my soul finds rest as I see that He has overcome the world. His light shines bright, even in the darkest of days, and He reigns over it all. Darkness and evil may last for a short while, but His victory is sure. 

Also, in Isaiah 43-44, we see over and over how Jesus says He formed us in the womb - He is the One who made us. This too is comforting to me. He formed my son in my womb, His hand has been upon him even from conception! I know He will be faithful to Caleb just as He has been faithful to me. Jesus, please, come. Please pour Your Spirit upon us.

Thoughts on Psalm 126

“The Lord has done great things for us, 

And we are glad.” 

~Psalm 126:3 

Truly, the Lord has done great things for for Zack and me. I can say this with full confidence as I remember these last couple of years...our time of courting and then our marriage which began soon after that. I can look back and see God’s hand over it all, and my heart is glad as I remember these things. I cannot deny His faithfulness to us. 

I must admit, however, that in the recent past, and even into the present, the words “we are glad” have not really been upon my lips or even on my mind. It seems we have been walking through a difficult season, and at times I have felt anything but glad. My heart has felt so heavy day after day, and at times I’ve wondered what is even wrong with me because I know I have so many reasons to rejoice and be thankful. Why then is this heaviness persisting? 

I know that this is a difficult season for many, not just for us. We are not alone in the struggles we face and the discouragement we battle. This pandemic has been trying on many souls, on many marriages, on so many families. 

In this season, however, we have been greatly blessed. I became pregnant with our first baby! We cannot wait to meet our precious baby boy, Caleb Daniel. I have loved being pregnant. I have loved feeling him move around inside my womb and kick. I love feeling him respond to me when I talk to him and press on my belly. Now when I see babies, my heart swells with excitement as I think of the day I get to hold my own, and how special that is going to be. 

In the midst of the excitement of my pregnancy, there have still been many challenges and struggles we have faced. Some days I have felt so discouraged, and then on top of the discouragement I have felt tremendous guilt because I think that this should be such a happy time in my life and I should not be feeling downcast. I have felt guilt each time I break down into tears, wondering if Caleb knows I’m crying and hoping that I’m not upsetting him. As I often have crumbled under the weight of discouragement, I have wondered how I’m going to be a good mother. I’ve wondered how I’m going to point my son to Jesus when honestly I have had a hard time going to Him myself lately.

In the midst of the struggles and the heaviness that has been upon me, I must still remember that the Lord HAS done great things for us, and He will continue to do so, for such is His manner towards His children! I’ve wrestled against so many thoughts, and there have been days I have even felt angry with God, somehow convincing my troubled heart that He no longer cared for me. I’m learning to be real with God. I know that He does care for me, and He truly is faithful. I’m learning that when I face doubts and frustrations, instead of hiding them and pretending like they are not there, I can honestly bring them before Him and lay them down. It is when I do this that I find peace, that I once again see the love He has for me, and again realize that He truly is my faithful Heavenly Father. He is my Shepherd, and He will lead me through this valley. He sees the tears I cry and He knows my pain. 

I love verses 5-6 of Psalm 126 -

“Those who sow in tears 

Shall reap in joy. He who continually goes forth weeping, bearing seed for sowing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing,

Bringing his sheaves with him.”

Though this has been a season of weeping, I’m going to choose to remember that God has still done great things for us, even in this season. I believe that joy still comes in the morning, and that God is still faithful to give joy for mourning and beauty for ashes. 

Relying on the Lord

“And at that time Hanani the seer came to Asa king of Judah, and said to him: ‘Because you have relied on the king of Syria, and have not relied on the LORD your God, therefore the army of the king of Syria has escaped from your hand. Were the Ethiopians and the Lubim not a huge army with very many chariots and horsemen? Yet, because you relied on the LORD, He delivered them into your hand. For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose hearts are loyal to Him. In this you have done foolishly; therefore from now on you shall have wars.’”

~2 Chronicles 16:7-9

I recently read this passage of Scripture, and I was both encouraged and convicted. I read it at a time when I was struggling to really trust the Lord. I realized that just like King Asa turned to other things for deliverance and security, so too I often do the same. I find encouragement as I realize that when I truly trust in and rely upon the Lord, He will be faithful to work out all the details of my life. He will be faithful to take care, to provide, to protect, to guide, and to give victory over the struggles of this life. 

I looked up the word “rely” in the dictionary, and here is the definition: “To rest on something, as the mind when satisfied of the veracity, integrity or ability of persons, or of the certainty of facts or of evidence; to have confidence in; to trust in; to depend; with on. We rely on the promise of a man who is known to be upright; we rely on the veracity or fidelity of a tried friend; a prince relies on the affections of his subjects for support, and on the strength of his army for success in war; above all things, we rely on the mercy and promises of God. That which is the ground of confidence, is a certainty or full conviction that satisfies the mind and leaves it at rest, or undisturbed by doubt.” 

I like that! I want to have confidence in, depend on, and rest on the Lord. I want to have full confidence in Him, to have my mind at rest, undisturbed by doubt, knowing He will come through for me.

Far too often I try to rely on other things or even on other people, and this causes great anxiety. In contrast, when I choose to rely upon the Lord, He gives me the rest and peace that I desperately need. My heart is so prone to wander and go after other things, yet He is always so faithful to bring me back to that place of reliance and trust in Him. I’m so thankful for this! ❤️

Mighty in Power

I'm so thankful for how faithful the Lord is to continually meet me in every circumstance.

I love the book of Psalms, because in that book I find so much encouragement for daily life. I can so often relate to the prayers and the cries of the psalmists, and because of this, it has been my favorite book of the Bible. 

Yesterday, I read Psalm 147. This Psalm in particular has been a favorite of mine, and one that I have read many times. I love verses 3-5:

"He heals the brokenhearted

And binds up their wounds.

He counts the number of the stars;

He calls them all by name.

Great is our Lord, and mighty in power;

His understanding is infinite."

I read that psalm in the morning, and, throughout the day ,verse 5 kept coming to my mind. I love how God does that. 

I've shared before that anxiety has been something which I sometimes battle a lot, and yesterday was one of those days for me. I was finding myself becoming very anxious, and it wasn't even so much because of circumstances, but because of my own thoughts and the dangerous what ifs that sometimes try to take me captive. I found myself wrestling against a lot of anxiety and fear yesterday. I was praying and asking the Lord to help me to trust and to surrender, but still it seemed like such a battle. I'm not sure when it was or how it happened, but suddenly, at one point in the wrestling and praying, that verse from Psalm 147 came to my mind: "Great is the Lord, and mighty in power..." and these words brought so much peace to me. I know the Lord spoke it right to me in answer to my prayer to help me to trust and surrender. As I thought about that verse, I felt peace wash over my mind. The Lord is mighty in power, so why should I be worried about anything? He is all powerful. He is in control. Worry and fear take control when I forget that God is the One in control. Anxiety creeps in when I allow myself to forget that the same God who counts and numbers the stars is also watching over my life. He understands every struggle, every circumstance, every sorrow in life, and He remains mighty in power; sovereign over it all. It's amazing how anxiety ceases when I remember who Jesus is. He is great, and He is mighty in power. I am very thankful for this truth!

Missionary Life

I want to thank you all for your continued prayers as I’m here in Uganda. It’s strange to think that I’ve been here for over six months. In some ways it feels like I haven’t been here that long, but in other ways it feels as though I’ve been here forever. 

As I reflect on these last six months, I find myself very thankful for all that the Lord has been teaching me. I’m thankful that He has been my constant source of encouragement and strength for each day. Surely He is forever faithful! My time here has reminded me of this. 

As I’ve said many times before, I absolutely love the children here, and I feel beyond blessed that I get to be with them. Though my job at the school is now tutoring older children rather than helping in the baby class, I still love spending time with the babies when I can. They are truly so hungry for love, and in giving it I find much joy. 

I will be honest and say that being here is not always easy. Yes, I am very thankful to be here, but this does not mean I don’t have challenging and discouraging days. It’s easier to speak of the blessings rather than the challenges, and sometimes I fear speaking of the challenges lest I sound too negative. I say that so that the next part of this post will be read in the right way. It’s simply me trying to be more real about life here, and asking for continued prayers. It’s easy to post a picture on Facebook and leave it at that, but sometimes I find myself wanting to share more. 

I’ve always been one to put too much pressure on myself, and legalism and guilt have been things I have often struggled against in my life. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that these struggles still exist in me, even in Africa! Sometimes ministry is hard, and sometimes I feel so inadequate and ineffective. Sometimes what I’m doing doesn’t seem like enough, and I find myself feeling like I’m in some way failing at this thing called being a missionary. 

Just this last week, as I was at Bible study in a nearby village, I was praying. I don’t honestly remember my prayer, but I was pouring my heart out to the Lord, and found myself asking “Why am I here?” I don’t say this to sound as though I don’t want to be here, because I really do. It simply was one of those days when I found myself questioning things. I know that the Lord has called me here, but I was questioning why, as I felt like I wasn’t enough. As I was sitting there praying with my eyes closed and head bowed, two of “my” kids, little Brighton and Edidah, came up to me, seeking to get my attention. I feel as though this was the Lord giving me the answer. They are why I’m here. Those kids, and not just those kids, but the many that I get the privilege of loving on almost every day. Deep in my heart, I always knew this, but sometimes I need to be reminded. God knows this.

The next day was the last day of term two at UKP Academy, and I wanted to do something special for Melon and Susan, two of the girls I tutor. I’ve been encouraged by the progress they have made, and I love these girls so much. I decided I would paint their nails, and so I took them up to the house that last day of school. I was so blessed by their excitement and the joy on their faces. I wished that we spoke the same language and I could have talked to them as I painted their nails, but our conversations are still very limited. Still, I said what I could, and I believe we all were blessed. This too was a reminder of why I’m here. I thought about how these girls probably have never had anyone paint their nails and take time like that for them. I don’t want that in any way to sound like I did something good, because I only did what God placed on my heart to do, and I can honestly say it’s all Him. I say this to share how the Lord encouraged me, and how He so sweetly used that time to remind me of the purpose and plans He has for me here in Uganda. 

I know that the enemy would love for me to spend my days feeling inadequate and ineffective. He would love for me to feel like I’m failing, and yet Jesus continually speaks truth into my life. Jesus reminds me of my desperate need for Him, and He reminds me that despite my feelings, His grace is sufficient. He reminds me that He can use even my weaknesses for His glory, and that being here in Africa has nothing to do with me, but everything to do with Him. Jesus tells me not to fall into the pit of self condemnation and defeat, but to rise up and walk in the plans He has for me here, and to let His joy be my strength. 

The thing is, my focus can’t be on myself or my feelings, how I feel I’m doing or if I feel like I’m doing enough or not. Focusing on myself will either lead to pride or despair, but focusing on Jesus is what brings peace and joy. If my focus is solely on others and their needs, I’ll become overwhelmed and worn out, but as I look to Jesus, I will find He will always equip me and give me grace for each day.

To be sure there have been days when I miss home and my life there, yet I know that if I went home and lived the American life I sometimes miss, my heart would have a huge hole in it. There is nothing more fulfilling and rewarding as in living the life God has created me to live. 

The God of Peace

Last night I sat outside for awhile, drinking lemongrass milk and enjoying the clear night with the stars above. I was again reminded of how thankful I am to be here in Uganda, and I am so thankful for God’s faithfulness to work in my life. 

The last week or so was hard for me, not so much with any outward circumstance, but inwardly I was battling much anxiety and fear. I felt so discouraged by the amount of anxiety I felt inside, and I felt like I was failing, because as much as I would pray and cry out to the Lord, the anxious thoughts and feelings did not leave. 

I felt very under attack, and I wanted so desperately to feel the Lord’s peace and for Him to calm my heart and mind. I think that the Lord allows me to go through those times so that I learn deeper dependency on Him. I have been listening to many teachings lately, and have found such encouragement in them. The pastor I was listening to said that worship is our greatest weapon in our darkest night. He said that we have to lift our eyes higher to the One who is above it all. That was such a good reminder for me! 

One day this last week, during my quiet time, I was reminded that God is the God of peace. I looked in Scripture at different places that describe who God is, and these verses greatly encouraged me:

“But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.”

~1 Peter 5:10

“Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” 

~Romans 15:13 

“Now the God of peace be with you all. Amen.”

~Romans 15:33 

I thought about that. God is the God of all grace, He is the God of hope, He is the God of peace, and He is my God. I’m so thankful for that. I know I needed this reminder. Anxiety gets my focus on myself and on circumstances, but the cure for anxiety is getting my focus back on my God. It’s when I recognize the One who is with me, and who He really is, that I find peace. 

The Lord is so good, and He is so faithful to bring me back to Himself.
This morning, I read Proverbs 16:18 - “Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall”. 

I thought about that, and how really anxiety is a form of pride, thinking that everything depends on me. I become anxious when I take things upon myself that I should be casting upon Jesus. I get anxious when I fail to commit things to my faithful Heavenly Father. I get anxious when I try to carry things I was never meant to carry, when I choose to carry the anxieties instead of casting them on Jesus. He is the One who is able to carry it all for me. I can give Him my anxieties in exchange for His peace. 

I’m so thankful for the peace that I have in Him, the peace that comes when I recognize He is my faithful Creator and Father. I can confidently trust Him with my life, and with the lives of those I love. I can confidently commit things to Him in prayer, and leave it all at the cross. The cross is proof that He will do what is best. Anxiety stops when I choose to leave it all at the cross, recognizing He is able to carry it all. 

So, as I sat outside last night, looking up at the stars and thinking about life, I was filled with peace as I thought about the Creator of the stars. I’m so thankful that the same One who created the stars loves me and holds all things in His hand. Because of that, my heart rejoices, and I have peace. As I sat there last night, I listened to one of my favorite worship songs, “Only You”, and I love the lyrics:

“Take my heart, I lay it down

At the feet of You who’s crowned

Take my life, I'm letting go

I lift it up to You who's throned

And I will worship You, Lord

Only You, Lord

And I will bow down before You

Only You, Lord

Take my fret, take my fear

All I have, I'm leaving here

Be all my hopes, be all my dreams

Be all my delights, be my everything” 

That truly is the prayer of my heart, to bow before Jesus alone, and to recognize that He has it all under control. Far too often I bend under the weight of anxiety and fear, but I want to bend my knees before Jesus, knowing all things are safely in His hand. 

“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”

~1 Peter 5:6-7 

His Mercy Endures

I love how the Lord is faithful to speak to me through His Word, and I love how He uses everyday circumstances to teach and show me new things.

We lost power early on Monday morning. Now, this is pretty common here in Uganda, and I never really know if the power outage will last a few moments or a few days. Needless to say, it is always very disappointing when we lose power! It’s one of those things you don’t really think about until it’s gone. 

It really isn’t terrible when we lose power since we have a generator and most things run on solar anyway, but there are certain things you can’t use on the generator or on solar. It’s not the end of the world by any means, but life simply isn’t as convenient without electricity.

All that being said, still I usually get frustrated when the power goes out, and I hope and pray it comes back quickly. That morning, however, the Lord actually used the brief power outage to speak to me powerfully! I love how He works and uses all things, even the little things.

I was finishing up my devotions when we lost power that morning. I read Psalm 118, which I had read many times before, but suddenly verse 1 held so much more meaning for me:

“OH, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! 

For His mercy endures forever.”

I thought about how the power had just gone out. It can easily be used up and sadly doesn’t last. I was reminded that the Lord’s mercy is not like that. His mercy endures. Endure means to continue to exist; to last. His mercy continues to exist; it lasts forever. I don’t have to live each day hoping and praying it will last. I’m promised right in His word that it will.

I’m so very thankful that God’s mercy and love lasts forever. Each day He meets me with renewed mercy, and thus, renewed strength. So much in this life wears out and ceases to exist. His love, however, endures throughout all the pressures and stresses of this life. His love and mercies are inexhaustible. I can rest confidently in God’s mercy because it will never fail me, even when all else does.

“Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,

Because His compassions fail not.

They are new every morning;

Great is Your faithfulness.”

Lamentations 3:22-23